Foreverness Begun

Two days ago, what started as a far-fetched dream became a reality.  As the clock ticked closer to 10am, people came trickling in...and they kept coming.  My eyes welled up as I watched family and friends pull into the parking lot.  Before I knew it, the place was packed.  There was a beautiful feeling of expectancy in the air.  My heart was beating out of my chest!  

As I began to sing, I calmed down a little.  It was so hard to not be distracted by the million thoughts that flooded my head.  The music reached an end and I felt like I truly gave God my all.  The "baton" was passed on to Ricky and he spoke the words that God had been burning in his heart for the last 6 months.  Then, the theater emptied.  It was over, we did it.  The Well was launched.  So, now what?

The roller coaster that's been on it's uphill climb is now plunging down the big hill.  My stomach is still in my throat!  The five people that accepted Christ are ready to be discipled and they're all I can think about.  I've never felt so passionate about them learning what it truly means to follow Him.  At the same time, there are some wonderful people God has brought us that are eager to be a part of the team and I want to build a closer relationship with them.  And, of course, there are teammates we already have that I want to contact and let them know how much I love and appreciate them.  My plate is officially full.  

Fortunately, my heart is too.  I look back on a day about a year and a half ago where I set out for a little jog.  I was determined to hear from God.  Ricky was coming home day after day telling me all the things he felt like the Holy Spirit was sharing with him on his long drives for his job.  However, I was the one at home with the 3 yr old and infant just trying to make it through the day without losing my mind.  There wasn't much opportunity for me to hear what God was saying.  I told Ricky that I although I trusted him in the things he was hearing from God, I wasn't going to pretend that I heard it too.  I knew a day would come when I would hear from Him, but until then, I'd just be happy for Ricky and work at not being envious in the meantime.  The day finally came when I went for a little run to get some post-baby weight off and just be alone.  Somewhere in there, my heart was able to make that long-awaited God-connection.  I just remember walking into the house and telling Ricky, "I'm in."  I didn't know what was ahead, but I knew for certain, for myself, that God was in it.

If that day had not come, I would be on the first train out of here.  God's call to The Well is what is fueling the passion I feel inside.  Without that, the work that needs to be done would be just a big "have to".  I'm not sure why God chose us, but here we are.  I couldn't imagine doing anything else.  

If you're in a place like me and you don't feel that passion, I urge you to find His call for you.  This is a journey not to be taken lightly.  Passion isn't a nice little accessory to ministry, it's essential.  And don't do it for the sake of your flock, do it for your sake.  Believe me, I remember when the ministry was the last place I wanted to be.  Authentically following Christ has made all the difference. 

One Week Out

So, it's Sunday, February 15th and we are officially one week away from our grand opening of The Well.  I'm full of mixed emotions and I feel like blogging will help me sort this out.  It's like the anticipation of your wedding day or the birth of a child.  This is what I've been waiting months for so of course I'm excited.  However, there's a huge weight of "foreverness" that I'm trying to work through.  Just as I believe marriage is forever, or the fact that you can't un-mother yourself, I feel that same kind of commitment to the mission of The Well.  God has most certainly called us to this and I cannot imagine doing anything else for the rest of my life.  I just can't seem to shake this tinge of fear in my heart.  Last night, Ricky mentioned that this would be our final Sunday we would have off for a very long time.  Why did he have to say that?!  It's thoughts like that which make me feel the way I do.  Next week will be so much fun and I can hardly wait for it.  But then what?  I want every Sunday to be like our opening day.  The harsh reality is that it typically isn't.  Just like having a baby, there are responsibilities that will have to be tended to:  diapers to change, mouths to feed, the baby always needing something of you (this analogy works really well!).  But the point isn't what this is going to require from me.  It's what it will require from God.  He's the One who can change a life.  He's the One who can meet the needs of each person that crosses our path.  We are simply an instrument.  So, if I'm selfishly worried about having to handle the hard things, I'll be selfishly pleased with getting the good things out of this.  That's not the kind of pastors God has called us to be.  Lesson learned:  take captive these thoughts and focus on the call to show the souls of this community Christ's authentic love.  

I knew blogging would help...

Crave

Alright, so I know it's been forever.  I'm trying make blogging more of a priority.  We're starting a church for crying out loud--to say I've been busy is a huge understatement!  Honestly, the past few months have been the ride of my life.  I can't believe all that God has done for The Well and for my family.  Our official start day is February 22--that's just around the corner!  The people He has brought us are so precious.  We couldn't ask for better!  

I'm continuing to learn more about what it means to be an authentic follower of Christ.  Just recently, I went on a Daniel fast for two weeks.  I just really wanted to do something leading into the launch of this church that would give me better focus and enrich my prayer time.  It was one of those things I knew I should do, but didn't really want to.  I mean, who really wants to fast?  In the days leading into it, I really let myself go.  I indulged in whatever food met my craving.  Once the fast started, the countdown was on.  Everything I craved and couldn't have, I would log it into my memory.  The plan was to eat all of those things as soon as my two weeks was up.  You don't realize how much you think about food until you have to go without it.

That said, I was really feeling like the whole thing was in vain.  The kids were crazy, my nights went late, so my mornings were as late as possible (whenever the kids woke up), and I wasn't getting any time alone with God.  I kept thinking, "what good is a fast if you don't ever really stop and pray?"  Finally, two nights before its end, everyone went to bed except me.  I was determined to not allow this fast to end until I made a real connection with God.  I turned on the computer and played some worship music.  A song that I hadn't really listened to caught my eye and I played it:  "Yearn" by Shane & Shane.  It's very simple.  The chorus goes like this:

Lord, I want to yearn for You.

I want to burn with passion over You,

And only You.

It played over and over again.  God's message to me was loud and clear, "Amy, you've been longing to fulfill the cravings of your stomach.  It's all you've been thinking about.  Even before the fast, you were planning your days around what and when you would eat.  I want you to yearn like that for Me.  I want your thoughts to revolve around your cravings for Me and when you would spend time with Me."  Ouch!  The conviction I felt was strong and yet warm.  That's just how He is.  

I melted.  I offered to prolong the fast, but felt released from it.  God knew the change occurred.  Although I still struggle with self-indulgence, I continue to sense the pull, the craving, for God.  I want a deeper relationship with Him like I've not known.  There must be more than this...