Missing Church

For the first time in my life, I missed church.  Absent from church?  Plenty of times.  But truly feeling like I'm missing out on something because I can't be there?  I'm pretty sure, never.  However, last Sunday, Cale and I were both sick.  Fever, coughing, aching, the whole nine yards.  Fortunately, I had capable hands that were able to handle my responsibilities.  Unfortunately, I wanted to be there but couldn't.  I wanted to hug the necks of my brothers and sisters on the team.  I wanted to catch up with some of my new friends that have started coming.  I wanted to meet the new people that came.  I even wanted to hear my husband speak.  (I know, but he's pretty good!)

Can you really believe that?!  I know it's crazy to hear about someone actually wanting to go church--especially the pastor's wife!  But it's true!  I'm so glad I'm a part of a church that is full of people being real with each other.  It's a place where there's not a lot of "fluff" to sit through to get to the part that's supposed to mean something.  AND it's not boring for crying out loud!  

Yes, Claremore, OK needs The Well, but I do too.  I'm so proud to be in this!

It's Time

It's been 4 weeks since the launch of The Well and I have one thing to say: "AHHHH!!!"  Ricky's work schedule with his other job has gotten heavier, the church is growing, and life isn't getting any lighter.  He's starting to feel like a work machine and I'm feeling like a single mother!  We'd be idiots if we didn't see it coming.  That doesn't make it any easier.  We're sick of the word "season" too--as in, "Oh, you know, this is just a 'season', hang in there!"  WE KNOW ALREADY!!!  

Here's the thing, seasons change.  And it's time for the Van Pay's to have it.  We had a long talk yesterday (yes, tears were involved).  We simply can't continue living like this.  It's all we can do to get out of bed lately.  We're exhausted.  The one thing that CAN give is the hardest thing to give up:  Ricky's job.  Not only has it been our personal cushion, but it's been the church's as well.  While our current financial situation is fine, we don't know what the future holds.  I honestly believe that anyone on the outside would look at the numbers and advise us to make this next step.  It's just scary!  

The bottom line is that we'd rather pinch pennies and be able to make eye contact with each other on a daily basis, than be 'ships passing' and not have to worry so much about finances.  So, pray for us!

Crisis

In the last several weeks, so many of my close friends and family have been hit with a crisis.  Cancer, unexplained health issues, major marital struggle, and child-bearing hardships are just a few of these situations.  My heart aches for each of them.  I've tried my best to make phone calls or send little notes their way to let them know I'm here for them.  It simply doesn't seem like enough in light of what they're facing.  However, I'm no counselor and I certainly don't want to give my two cents when I truly don't know what it's like to be in their specific shoes. 

I have been faced with my own share of hard times; when you're blindsided with a horrific situation.  It seems like yesterday Ricky sat me down and told me he had a tumor.  Those few months of uncertainty were tough!  And here we are on the other side and everything's fine.  Sometimes,  it doesn't end that way.  

Here's what I've learned:  life is a journey.  I know, that's nothing new, but it's absolutely true.  These hardships can seem like the edge of a cliff that will bring this journey to an end, only it doesn't at all.  The road still stretches out in front of you.  Yes, it may take turns we didn't intend or want, but there it is.  I think the most challenging part of dealing with a crisis is simply continuing to walk that road.  I know it's hard, but you must keep walking.  Why?  Because there is always a place on this path that we can turn and look back and discover that we're on the other side.  It may take a few days or a few years, but you'll get there.  I also know that life won't ever be the same on the other side--that's not always as bad as we think either.  

If you're one that is going through a difficult time, I hope you hear my heart.  In no way, do I mean to make light of a dark place in your life.  With all of this said, the most important thing anyone can do on this life journey is to take God with you.  Don't go it alone.  It might even seem like He's not there when you want Him to be.  That's okay.  He can be difficult to find when everything seems to be falling apart.  

Lord, I pray for those who are going through a hard time today.  Help them to find You in it.  Help them to keep walking.  Bring them safely to the other side.  Amen. 

Thoughts of a Pastor's Wife

Wow, just writing the title of this post makes me cringe a little.  I have a hard time saying that I'm a "Pastor's Wife".  There are too many stereotypes and connotations that come with it.  It isn't that I don't want to be one.  I just hate that I can't tell people that's what I am without wondering if something changes in their perception of me.  I'm already starting to be treated differently for bearing this title.  Fortunately, it's been pleasant so far.  We have volunteers that have made me feel like they've got my back on everything.  One family in particular has especially communicated this to me.  They help me with Camden on Sundays and make sure I'm available to talk to our guests.  It's amazing, really, but I'm still not comfortable with it.

Another thought that's making me squirm is the issue of finances.  Ricky and I have yet to be paid from The Well--by choice.  However, as soon as it's possible, we plan/hope for that to change.  It's been so hard for Ricky to be working a full time job and get the church on its feet at the same time.  Thus, it hasn't been easy for the rest of us.  So what happens when we start to get income from the church?  And then what happens when we decide to get a new car or I show up to church with a new outfit?  It bothers me that this bothers me!  I certainly don't plan to squander any of the money God sends our way, whether it be from Ricky's job or the church or wherever.  I've just never been so aware of the importance of each dollar coming from the people of The Well.  I know some are giving truly by faith.  And that will never change.  There will always be those giving that have very little means.  So here I am.  Yes, Ricky and I each have degrees, we're both ordained, blah, blah, blah.  That doesn't mean I should live in the lap of luxury either.  

I hope some of you other "wives" can help me on this one.  I also hope to hear from those that aren't.  This is my first time to really be "The Wife".  As a church member, I never once thought anything about the pastor and his family getting or spending too much of my hard-earned tithe.  Perhaps I just didn't think that deeply about it.  What I do know is that I cannot live my life worried about what people think--especially when it comes to the way we handle our finances.  I suppose I just need some clarity, and a little comfort.  :)