The Easy Road

I've been doing some thinking lately about this "quest for authenticity".  It seems like I end up talking about it to so many people around me.  We all struggle at some level with happily being who are.  My journey has certainly been a long one.  

My issues with a low self-image and insecurity became so severe in college that my roommate (psych major, no less) told me I should get professional help!  She was right and I knew it.  I recall going to set up an appointment with the school counselor only to find that she was booked for the rest of the semester.  I felt so hopeless.  Although I'm a big fan of professional counseling, I look back and see that God had a different plan for me.  He took me down a road where I could accept myself, even before I really knew myself.  This road has had it's share of ups and downs, but it's been worth it.

I remember times where I would envision what life would be like without worrying what people thought of me and it made me afraid.  It seemed so hard to live that way!  There were simply way too many "what if's":  what if I'm not concerned enough about the way I look and end up a frumpy mess?  what if I don't care enough about what I say and sound like an idiot?  what if I don't live up to their expectations and they're left with a big disappointment?  I could go on, but you get the idea.  I was truly afraid that if I let these insecurities go, I would become less of a person I already felt I  was.  What I know now, is that those thoughts were lies that held me down like chains.  The truth is this:  when you accept yourself for the creation God has made, you begin to see who you really are.  It's then that you can behave authentically.  And let me tell you, it's WAY easier!!!  I can have a conversation without being flooded with a million thoughts that cause me to fear or feel badly about myself.  What's more, is that I can be a pastor's wife (there, I said it!) and not worry if people will like me or even come back to the church because of my 'performance' (or lack thereof).  I can just go about my day free to be me and focus on far more important things. 

I have a feeling there may be a part II to this one...there's just so much more to say...