I'm sure every mother can relate to all the feelings of seeing your children grow up. Although we celebrate each milestone, there's a bit of sadness that seems to go along with it. I know it's cliche, but I'm just positive it was yesterday that I held Cale in my arms for the first time. However, I look at the calendar and somehow 5/31/07 became 5/31/08. With the chaos of having two boys, I have spent much of this past year hoping for a little more self-sufficiency from this little guy. Now that he's achieved so much, a part of me wishes to go back.
So here I am reminiscing the joy that Cale has brought to our lives and feeling my eyes well up a little. In so many ways, I'm just starting to get to know him. Every day, more and more of his personality is revealed. While the days of cradling my precious second son are gone, I have so many richer, deeper days ahead. Happy Birthday, my sweet Cale!
Oh, and for those of you who are interested, you can go here to see him devour his birthday cake. It's pretty cute but if you close your eyes and just listen, you might think you're watching WWF for babies. Kinda wierd, right?
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Same, But Different
Ricky and I took the boys to a ginormous (Elf-ism) playground over the weekend. I've heard it's the largest one in Oklahoma and by the looks of it, I believe the rumor to be true. While I spent the majority of the time chasing Camden around, I managed to "tag" Ricky and we traded. I took Cale to the swings and he took Camden to get a blueberry cheesecake shaved ice. (I have to note at this point, which is completely irrelevant, that in a 3yr old's body, blue shaved ice not only goes in blue, but comes out blue! We're talkin' like playdoh! Disgustingly interesting--interestingly disgusting...not sure.)
Anyway, two grandmas came up and put their little guy in one of the nearby swings. I commented on how big of a boy he was and asked his age. He was just a few months older than Cale. Then they told me I should see his mother and that she was playing around there somewhere. In my effort to be relational, I went on and on about how I had just finished playing too with my older son. Shortly after, they pointed to some swings behind me and said, "Oh look, there she is now." And to my surprise, I realized that when they said she was playing, they really meant playing. She was not at the playground for her son's enjoyment. She was there because she wanted to play herself. After all, it was appropriate for someone her age to do so. My only thought was, "Wow, these two little boys are so similar in their age and size, but their lives couldn't be more different."
Please do not misunderstand me. I haven't said all this to point judgment on this girl or her family or whatever. I just didn't see it coming. That little boy looked like any other child with the typical mother and father in their 20's or 30's spending the afternoon with Grandma. However, that simply wasn't his story.
So here's the lesson learned: you just never know about someone until you really start talking to them. In college, I heard this countless times, "Amy, I thought you were such a snob until I got to know you." The real story was that I was paralizingly insecure and didn't talk to very many people. I was just sure they wouldn't like me! Just as they didn't initially take a chance on me, I didn't take the chance on them! I suggest we drop the whole charade and just start talking to people. Don't wait until they make the first move. They're probably doing the same. And you never know, that "snob" might be more down to earth than you think!
Anyway, two grandmas came up and put their little guy in one of the nearby swings. I commented on how big of a boy he was and asked his age. He was just a few months older than Cale. Then they told me I should see his mother and that she was playing around there somewhere. In my effort to be relational, I went on and on about how I had just finished playing too with my older son. Shortly after, they pointed to some swings behind me and said, "Oh look, there she is now." And to my surprise, I realized that when they said she was playing, they really meant playing. She was not at the playground for her son's enjoyment. She was there because she wanted to play herself. After all, it was appropriate for someone her age to do so. My only thought was, "Wow, these two little boys are so similar in their age and size, but their lives couldn't be more different."
Please do not misunderstand me. I haven't said all this to point judgment on this girl or her family or whatever. I just didn't see it coming. That little boy looked like any other child with the typical mother and father in their 20's or 30's spending the afternoon with Grandma. However, that simply wasn't his story.
So here's the lesson learned: you just never know about someone until you really start talking to them. In college, I heard this countless times, "Amy, I thought you were such a snob until I got to know you." The real story was that I was paralizingly insecure and didn't talk to very many people. I was just sure they wouldn't like me! Just as they didn't initially take a chance on me, I didn't take the chance on them! I suggest we drop the whole charade and just start talking to people. Don't wait until they make the first move. They're probably doing the same. And you never know, that "snob" might be more down to earth than you think!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Fabulous Babe
Remember when you were little and would be playing out in the front yard pretending to be a princess, pirate, that cool kid on TV, or whoever, while being completely thoughtless about anyone watching you? Ah, those were the days! My memory of it all was triggered by a picture my husband stole from my parents. It's his favorite one of me--I was around 2 years old, my hair in pigtails (and yes, yellow bows to boot), and a little t-shirt that said "Fabulous Babe". (If I ever learn how, I'll try to get it on here...) I had no reason to believe that I was anything less than what my shirt reflected. Sadly, somewhere along the way, I became increasingly aware that people were watching me and began to care about what they were thinking. For years I've battled with issues of insecurity. It's hurt my relationships and stifled what God was able to do through me.
I've been working at this for a long time now and I'm happy say that I am seeing results (sounds like an ad for Jenny Craig, doesn't it?). I truly am learning how to approach a person without getting all bound up and nervous. Last week, I met a lot of new people that normally, I would have spent way too much time and energy trying to impress them. Instead, I chose to just be me. Today, I went to the park with my boys in an effort to meet someone new (this would have scared me to death a couple of years ago!). Again, I didn't try too hard to be someone impressive. I left there knowing there were two moms of boys that wouldn't mind my company if I saw them there again someday.
Is it just me, or does this seem all too elementary? It shouldn't be this hard, but it is. To get all "spiritual", I honestly think that hell itself is trying to get us Christ-followers caught up in stuff like this and cause us to be incapable of doing the work of God. This is what I read today in John 4 (the Message, as usual), "That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in their worship." I feel like raising my hand and saying, "Pick me! I'm the Fabulous Babe over here just trying to stay true to who You made me to be!"
Does anyone relate to this? Are you struggling to trust God and let yourself go? Believe me, He made you a Fabulous Babe too. Maybe one day you'll get the T-shirt!
I've been working at this for a long time now and I'm happy say that I am seeing results (sounds like an ad for Jenny Craig, doesn't it?). I truly am learning how to approach a person without getting all bound up and nervous. Last week, I met a lot of new people that normally, I would have spent way too much time and energy trying to impress them. Instead, I chose to just be me. Today, I went to the park with my boys in an effort to meet someone new (this would have scared me to death a couple of years ago!). Again, I didn't try too hard to be someone impressive. I left there knowing there were two moms of boys that wouldn't mind my company if I saw them there again someday.
Is it just me, or does this seem all too elementary? It shouldn't be this hard, but it is. To get all "spiritual", I honestly think that hell itself is trying to get us Christ-followers caught up in stuff like this and cause us to be incapable of doing the work of God. This is what I read today in John 4 (the Message, as usual), "That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in their worship." I feel like raising my hand and saying, "Pick me! I'm the Fabulous Babe over here just trying to stay true to who You made me to be!"
Does anyone relate to this? Are you struggling to trust God and let yourself go? Believe me, He made you a Fabulous Babe too. Maybe one day you'll get the T-shirt!
Monday, May 19, 2008
My Quest for Authenticity Has Begun...
I feel such a weight of responsibility as I begin this endeavor known as a blog. Being that this is my inaugural post, there's a bit of pressure to make it good! Plus, the reason I'm doing this--fellow pastor's wives (or "spouses" for you hubbies out there)--I believe we can help each other! So as I sit here on my couch typing away, my nerves are starting to get the better of me...so here goes...
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a "pastor's wife". That is, until I really became one. I recall a conversation I had with a fellow "wife" who said that there is nothing she'd rather do than be a "pastor's wife". At the time, all I could think of was, "Wow, I could think of a million things!" Looking back, I've discovered the difference between her and I--authenticity. She was the wife of my senior pastor, where my husband and I were serving as the youth pastors. She had a unique way about her that was so genuine. Unfortunately, I had allowed myself to get caught up in the pressure of trying to be who I thought everyone (including me) wanted me to be. It didn't take long for me to become exhausted by such a task. The harder I worked to be this picture of perfection, the worse I felt about myself. Two and a half years later, I was hunting for a way out.
Another two and a half years has passed, and I'm just now realizing what really happened. I lost my true self. In doing so, I lost what God was calling me to do. I now understand that you cannot accomplish His perfect will for your life until you let yourself be yourself. Otherwise, the "masks" we put up are just road blocks to allowing what God can really do through us.
This has led me to reading the Scripture with a whole new light. More and more, I'm finding that authenticity is the key to serving Christ (among a few other things, I'm sure). I believe this will truly unlock so many closed doors we keep running into--and not just in the church.
In Matthew 23 (the Message) it says, "if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty." Isn't that what we all want? Don't we just want to matter...to people...to God? I want so badly to impress others that I find myself requiring others to be impressive to me...and so the cycle goes on. So whoever you are out there reading this, I hope you will join me in the effort to trust God that who He made us to be is enough. Trying to add to or take away from that will be not only to our detriment, but everyone around us.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a "pastor's wife". That is, until I really became one. I recall a conversation I had with a fellow "wife" who said that there is nothing she'd rather do than be a "pastor's wife". At the time, all I could think of was, "Wow, I could think of a million things!" Looking back, I've discovered the difference between her and I--authenticity. She was the wife of my senior pastor, where my husband and I were serving as the youth pastors. She had a unique way about her that was so genuine. Unfortunately, I had allowed myself to get caught up in the pressure of trying to be who I thought everyone (including me) wanted me to be. It didn't take long for me to become exhausted by such a task. The harder I worked to be this picture of perfection, the worse I felt about myself. Two and a half years later, I was hunting for a way out.
Another two and a half years has passed, and I'm just now realizing what really happened. I lost my true self. In doing so, I lost what God was calling me to do. I now understand that you cannot accomplish His perfect will for your life until you let yourself be yourself. Otherwise, the "masks" we put up are just road blocks to allowing what God can really do through us.
This has led me to reading the Scripture with a whole new light. More and more, I'm finding that authenticity is the key to serving Christ (among a few other things, I'm sure). I believe this will truly unlock so many closed doors we keep running into--and not just in the church.
In Matthew 23 (the Message) it says, "if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty." Isn't that what we all want? Don't we just want to matter...to people...to God? I want so badly to impress others that I find myself requiring others to be impressive to me...and so the cycle goes on. So whoever you are out there reading this, I hope you will join me in the effort to trust God that who He made us to be is enough. Trying to add to or take away from that will be not only to our detriment, but everyone around us.
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