Remember when you were little and would be playing out in the front yard pretending to be a princess, pirate, that cool kid on TV, or whoever, while being completely thoughtless about anyone watching you? Ah, those were the days! My memory of it all was triggered by a picture my husband stole from my parents. It's his favorite one of me--I was around 2 years old, my hair in pigtails (and yes, yellow bows to boot), and a little t-shirt that said "Fabulous Babe". (If I ever learn how, I'll try to get it on here...) I had no reason to believe that I was anything less than what my shirt reflected. Sadly, somewhere along the way, I became increasingly aware that people were watching me and began to care about what they were thinking. For years I've battled with issues of insecurity. It's hurt my relationships and stifled what God was able to do through me.
I've been working at this for a long time now and I'm happy say that I am seeing results (sounds like an ad for Jenny Craig, doesn't it?). I truly am learning how to approach a person without getting all bound up and nervous. Last week, I met a lot of new people that normally, I would have spent way too much time and energy trying to impress them. Instead, I chose to just be me. Today, I went to the park with my boys in an effort to meet someone new (this would have scared me to death a couple of years ago!). Again, I didn't try too hard to be someone impressive. I left there knowing there were two moms of boys that wouldn't mind my company if I saw them there again someday.
Is it just me, or does this seem all too elementary? It shouldn't be this hard, but it is. To get all "spiritual", I honestly think that hell itself is trying to get us Christ-followers caught up in stuff like this and cause us to be incapable of doing the work of God. This is what I read today in John 4 (the Message, as usual), "That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in their worship." I feel like raising my hand and saying, "Pick me! I'm the Fabulous Babe over here just trying to stay true to who You made me to be!"
Does anyone relate to this? Are you struggling to trust God and let yourself go? Believe me, He made you a Fabulous Babe too. Maybe one day you'll get the T-shirt!
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This is a blog for all those "wives" out there who feel pressured to be someone they're not--perhaps because their spouse happens to be a pastor. Maybe this can just be a place where we can find someone who understands what we're going through. So let me know what you're thinking! I need it too!
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- Amy Van Pay
- Claremore, OK, United States
- Wife to Ricky. Mommy to Camden & Cale. Learning how to be Me.
2 comments:
I'm all about making our own t-shirts with this title. Let's do it.
When I'm insecure, I shut down. I act guarded and like I don't need you---all without knowing I'm doing that. What's made me so defensive and less trusting? Past hurts, disappoints, failures, not living up to expectations? Yes, yes, and yes. Sad that at our age, we still battle. With the things that we want to teach our kids NOT to do. We do.
From the fabulous babes mother. I am very proud of what you are doing. I too have always put way too much stock in what others thought of me. So thanks for the sermon.
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