My Quest for Authenticity Has Begun...

I feel such a weight of responsibility as I begin this endeavor known as a blog. Being that this is my inaugural post, there's a bit of pressure to make it good! Plus, the reason I'm doing this--fellow pastor's wives (or "spouses" for you hubbies out there)--I believe we can help each other! So as I sit here on my couch typing away, my nerves are starting to get the better of me...so here goes...

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a "pastor's wife". That is, until I really became one. I recall a conversation I had with a fellow "wife" who said that there is nothing she'd rather do than be a "pastor's wife". At the time, all I could think of was, "Wow, I could think of a million things!" Looking back, I've discovered the difference between her and I--authenticity. She was the wife of my senior pastor, where my husband and I were serving as the youth pastors. She had a unique way about her that was so genuine. Unfortunately, I had allowed myself to get caught up in the pressure of trying to be who I thought everyone (including me) wanted me to be. It didn't take long for me to become exhausted by such a task. The harder I worked to be this picture of perfection, the worse I felt about myself. Two and a half years later, I was hunting for a way out.

Another two and a half years has passed, and I'm just now realizing what really happened. I lost my true self. In doing so, I lost what God was calling me to do. I now understand that you cannot accomplish His perfect will for your life until you let yourself be yourself. Otherwise, the "masks" we put up are just road blocks to allowing what God can really do through us.

This has led me to reading the Scripture with a whole new light. More and more, I'm finding that authenticity is the key to serving Christ (among a few other things, I'm sure). I believe this will truly unlock so many closed doors we keep running into--and not just in the church.

In Matthew 23 (the Message) it says, "if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty." Isn't that what we all want? Don't we just want to matter...to people...to God? I want so badly to impress others that I find myself requiring others to be impressive to me...and so the cycle goes on. So whoever you are out there reading this, I hope you will join me in the effort to trust God that who He made us to be is enough. Trying to add to or take away from that will be not only to our detriment, but everyone around us.