I finally have a few minutes to myself and decided that it's time for a new blog. Trouble is, I got nothin'. I'm typically one that chews on an idea for a little bit before I put something out there, but this time, I'm just gonna write.
It's been a pretty awful day. It was just me and the boys while Ricky was off doing a big bike ride in OKC. I decided to take a really quick shower. When I turned off the water, I could hear Cale crying. Dripping wet, I ran to find him very upset and Camden looking quite guilty. For some reason, he hit his little brother very hard. This sick feeling welled up inside me and I joined Cale in the tears and sent Camden out of the room while I cleared my head. While it's not a parent's worst nightmare, it's up there pretty high. If the pain inflicted upon Cale were by the hand of someone else's child, I'd be having quite a few words to say to the mother (and probably wouldn't be very kind to that child for that matter!). But it was my own flesh and blood that did this--and I'm that mom that would be griped out! The range of emotions were almost too much to handle. So what's a girl to do? I called my mom. At first, I didn't want to. I was ready to hear some kind of implied lesson on why this wouldn't happen if I were a better parent. Instead, she was just there. She came over and we talked about it. I think she understood my hurt.
So now, here it is, the end of the day. And you know what? We all made it. We're fine. While it could've been better, it really could've been worse. Although my eyes are still welling up with tears, I know that what happened is now behind us. I did have a conversation with my good friend who happens to be a psychologist. She knows me well and reminded me that I'm not the worst parent in the world and my child isn't abnormal. (Whew!) That said, I think the most encouraging words I heard all day came from Camden. He wasn't prompted--it really came out of nowhere. He said, "Mommy, Jesus will help me not do that anymore." I sure hope so.
Well, I hope it's not just foolishness to put that all out there. But this IS my "Quest for Authenticity". If I can't be real about the hard stuff, then who am I kidding?
Oh, and thanks, Mom...
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3 comments:
You're welcome! Even tho I don't think I did much. But the whole situation is like when we as christians "hurt" Jesus He tenderly takes us in His arms and forgives us. So, Cambo is forgiven and Jesus throws everything into the sea of forgetfulness. In the ppast,forgotten! Wow I think that might preach. Just kiddin!
Love ya'll,
Mom
sadly, i'm sure more 'hits' will come in the future - they are boys. tatum likes to 'scratch' when she's mad. she HATES it when i look at her 'tatum, not nice.' and put her on the ground and leave her be until she stops scratching. its quite funny at this age - but i'm sure when i begin juggling TWO (which is not soon), my whole world might crash before me. ha.
Hey Amy,
Its Casey....I just started blogging and found you. I love the premise of your blog. Since we have started the church I myself have been thinking that whole idea through. Being real and being myself. Its pretty fun and pressure-relieving! Hopefully we can keep in touch a little. :)
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