Real Relationships

I'm sitting here tonight with a sense of awe at how different the majority of my relationships are today, versus how they were even a year ago. It was about this time last year, that Ricky and I did quite a bit of soul searching. What surfaced within me was the glaringly obvious hang-ups I had experienced in my relationships, especially with "church people". As the wife of a youth pastor, I felt this weight of responsibility in the way I dealt with every person. There were those students whose parents carried a good deal of influence in the church that I would pursue in an effort to measure up to the "powers that be". There were also those students that were highly influential themselves that I would feel unsaid pressure to befriend. At the same time, I would look into the faces of the congregation and see people who I longed to know, yet couldn't get the courage to initiate much of anything with them. Needless to say, my relationships were somewhat dysfunctional and I was left quite lonely. For so long, I blamed "poor wiring" of my personality for the demise of these relationships, not to mention my ability to minister to others. What can I say, I'm not a politician!
However, I've come to realize these last several months that what was lacking was simply authenticity. I had to start by just getting real with myself and being comfortable with the result. So what if I'm not that impressive! Then, I set out to be the friend of another. Maybe it was just striking up a conversation with an old acquaintance, or going all out and inviting someone to dinner, I put myself out there. I would be lying if I said it no longer makes me nervous and this all comes completely naturally to me now. It still takes effort, but what I've discovered is that my relationships as a whole today are far better both in quantity and in quality than ever in my life. I've always been one that cherishes my friendships. Perhaps now, I've just allowed myself to be cherished a little bit more...simply because it's real.